I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drake has all the answers
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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