I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
