Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
