So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
