I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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