I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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