I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
