no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
