You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
