Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
