i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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