Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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