so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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