I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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