dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
