He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
