Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
