He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
