i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
