he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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