Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This is my gift to your gina
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
