Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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