i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
