Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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