yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
