you would pick up someone in the library
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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