Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
