She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
