I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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