I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
