If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
