I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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