Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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