Are we in a gay sports bar?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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