ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
