You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Buhtt sex?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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