If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
