They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
