Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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