Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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