xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
