Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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