JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
