think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
