i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
do herpes really smell.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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