She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my liver is dry heaving
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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