Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
