I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
