I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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