We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
