i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
