just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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