from now on my penis is your penis
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
