This is not my ceiling
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
