Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
